Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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