I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
