Please, let me fuck your mom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
