garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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