Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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