Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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