sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How's work?
Spinning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
