I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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