no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
