I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
