went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
