you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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