Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was like his penis was on wheels.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
