We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
