My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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