omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
