the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
