Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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