just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
