so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
