Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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