who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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