You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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