Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
