hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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