whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
