Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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