all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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