please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
