a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
