I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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