I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
