Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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