Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
