After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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