If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
