I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
