How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
