Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
