I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
