Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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