This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
