new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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