I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
