What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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