I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
