dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
