Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
