I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
