Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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